you got ditched, thus you have to stay stronger than anyone else.

到底什么时候才能学会放手

我真的撑到很累了

='(

i have this omen that i'll screw up the finals in this sem.

today is not a good start for finals.

anyhoo, thanks to the homo sapiens who have tried so hard to comfort me and to make me feel better, especially sean.

i know i'm the lousiest person on earth that very hard to please.

:)

xoxo.

hello finals, goodbye PBL! - 4th entry

I CAN BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF NOW! *Phew*

And not to forget to say, 'GOODBYE PBL!'

I'm done with my PBL client counselling for contract law and consti law, like finally, I'M DONE! To those whoever had told that me client counselling is fun: hey you, client counselling ain't fun at all okay! oh well, perhaps different people have different perspective of view. I shouldn't blame anyone who had told me it's fun.

I guess I'm the lousiest actor on earth, literally, you can see that client counselling is so not my game. What I could say that is, it is a whole new experience but not a good one. The worst thing ever that happened in my life is I have to use Malay as our language for both of the PBL but in fact I couldn't even speak a fluent Malay. Gosh, it was so embarrassing! I was a client for Contract PBL, therefore I had this idea to act as a client who just back from USA and thus I could just speak a broken Malay. Anyhow, anxiety is a pain in the ass. I was totally black out once the lawyer invited us to enter the room. How could I forget every single points that I was supposed to say?! Urghhh I hate myself. I had no choice but to being spontaneous and crapped whatever I could. Thank god, it turned out to be okay after all, though it was not a good one. On the other hand, I think did badly in Consti PBL. It was totally a disappointment. Lecture commented a lot about my voice is too soft and I have to show my confidence by speaking out loud. I think I have to improve my voice projection. le sigh.

Frankly speaking, I'm not satisfied with my performance during both of the PBL especially Consti PBL. I didn't prepare much for Consti PBL and worse, it's all last minute work due to certain reasons. Yet, I have to say that I did put a lot of efforts on Contract Law PBL at first, by thinking and vomiting the storyline out since months ago before PBL started. I did all the researches online to prepare all the documents that are needed for my story and etc. I'm not going to complain anything but I think that I'm still not ready to work together with everyone as a team when it comes to studies. I think I could use the excuse that it's all because we did not have assignments or projects that require teamwork during STPM, all we had to do is just study and study to obtain good results, thus I have my own way of doing things. But I know I have to learn it from now, as I have four years to go, to work as a team.

Here comes the 'HELLO FINALS!'

Oh gosh, since that PBL is over, means final exam is really around the corner this time! I'm worried about the finals now. All the subjects left untouched. I'm still not mentally prepared to go for exam yet. I met my mentor last week and she told me that I seriously have to change my way of study when I told her I used to do LAST MINUTE STUDY last time! I think now I have to study all day and night to cover everything as possible since I have only ONE WEEK left. stressed.

*BREATHE DEEPLY* :'(

Injustice - 3rd entry

I watched the movie The Other Boleyn Girl during our english for law class on Tuesday. The Other Boleyn Girl is a historical fiction movie about British history, introducing a woman of extraordinary determination and desire who lived at the heart of the most exciting and glamorous court in Europe. I don't know how much of factual telling of the British history consists in this movie, yet, I found that it reflects a lot of injustice in the life of King Henry VII's court.

Firstly, the Boleyn family itself reflects injustice. In order to furthering their own political ambitions, Thomas Boleyn and his brother in law plan to install Thomas' elder daughter Anne Boleyn in the court of Henry VII of the England. Even though William Carey has asked for Anne's hand to marry her, but Thomas Boleyn rejects and offers Mary to William because he thought that Anne could do better. Well, I personally think that it is not really fair for a father to decide who his daughters should marry to like how Thomas Boleyn does to decide the Boleyn daughters' future just merely for his own sake. Besides that, when he get to know the secret marriage between Anne and the nobleman Henry Percy, he exiles Anne to France in disgrace. As he thinks that their secret marriage will ruin Mary's reputation. This is another injustice happen. The father should have know that exile Anne to France is not a best solution in order to secure Mary's reputation.

And also, the rebellious Anne Boleyn makes her own way to get what she wants. She even betrays her sister, Mary Boleyn. She feels that she has been betrayed by Mary when Mary alert her father and uncle about Anne's secret marriage with Henry Percy and that, she is exiled to France. Thus, she tries to steal the king away from Mary whom Mary loves. She embarks on a successful campaign to win Henry VII of the England over, showing she has grown more mature since prior to her exile. She uses all her ways to seduce the king and even taunts Mary. She drives King Henry to vow to never speak to Mary again. But in return, Mary returns to court and lies on behalf of Anne, to save Anne when the scandal of Anne and Henry Percy becomes a threaten to Anne's coming marriage to King Henry VII. Henry succumbs to Anne's demands and annuls his marriage to the Queen of Catherine for the reason that Catherine failed to give England an heir also shows injustice. Besides that, Anne's selfish attitude has caused his elder brother, George was found unanimously guilty and sentenced to death. I think that it shows injustice too when someone has betrayed you but you forgive that person and even lend a hand to them in return. Though there is this saying that forgiveness is the sweetest revenge, but I feel that it is mere unfair to the person who has sacrificed a lot for the other person who just betrayed him or her.

It is an inevitable fact that injustice happens on us everyday and everywhere. However, I believe that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. A wrongdoer will get their punishment one day no matter how. Thats what we call it karma, I believe.

stressed is desserts spelled backward - 2nd entry

Hello people! I'm back to the blogosphere, again, for my English for Law journal entry.

How's holiday so far?

It's already been a week since I was back to Klang. Yes, I'm having 2 weeks break for the sake of Hari Raya. Oh not forget to wish all my Muslim friends Selamat Hari Raya! Like finally, I could stay at home and the very familiar bedroom for more than a week. The feeling is great! In the meanwhile of enjoying, hard feeling is pondering because it's time to say goodbye to two of my best friends, shayrol and yongwee who had left to Japan and China for their studies.

That's Shayrol, a girl that i knew her since we were in primary school. All thank to the assignment we had, I was trapped in UKM during weekends and didn't get to meet her in the first place. Luckily I managed to meet the best friend two days before she left! We did not go for any trip this time but only a simple catch up session at home. Yet, it was an amazing time we spent together and three of us enjoyed it very much. After 15 days of holiday in Malaysia, she had returned to Japan for her studies.

We did all the cooking and baking that day. It somehow reminded me of the old time, that 'masak-masak' used to be our favourite game when we were still a kid. After 20 years of living, I would never say that cooking or baking is an easy job. COOKING AND BAKING ARE NOT AS EASY AS THEY SEEMS! Apparently I can't cook, not even the simplest dish. Thus, I had no choice but to sit aside and watched them preparing the dishes..... embarrassed, enough said.

Carbonara, roasted chicken, bacon, pumpkin soup were the main dishes of the day, we had doughnuts and brownies as desserts too. While Shayrol and Lillian were busy preparing the dishes, suddenly I had this idea to contribute myself by my first attempt at baking brownies! When I offered myself to bake, Yong Wee gave me a doubtful expression and said, 'what?! are you sure you're going to bake?!' as if I would burn the kitchen down. Lol. Without hesitation, I took out the baking equipments and prepared the ingredients. I had never tried my hands in baking before, thank god Shayrol was there to guide me.

Looking at the instruction, the procedure is not very complicated and the recipe is simple too. But at the moment I was about to start baking, I was totally clueless what I should do at first. I should have melt the dark chocolate and butter first but I didn't. Instead of melting the chocolate first, I straight away poured the instant baking powder and stirred in an egg and cooking oil. Halfway of stirring the mixture only realized that we had not melt the chocolate bar yet. Lillian quickly took out the chocolate bar and butter from the refrigerator and the maid melt it for us. After that we added in the tempered chocolate and stirred again. According to the instruction, we're supposed to stir only 50 times but I think I was too keen on stirring until I forgot to count. Gosh, it was totally a mess! Immediately after I spread the tempered butter in a baking pan and poured the mixture in, we baked it in the warm oven for 30 minutes. Guess what! We used the wrong baking pan as we're supposed to use a 8 x 8 baking pan which could bake thick fudgy brownies.

So yeah, this is our flat crispy brownies which is not supposed to look like this. The outcome was simply horrible. And it tasted like a cookie more than a brownie. Hence, we tried to stack up the brownies so that it looked thicker.

this is how the brownies looked in the end.

I felt a little guilty for the failure outcome. Although my first baking attempt was not really a successful one, somehow baking is fun, but only if you know how to bake. Baking is definitely one of my weaknesses. Nevermind then, practice makes perfect. I should learn how to bake and cook next time so that mom wouldn't nag at me again for not knowing how to cook at the age of 20.

Anyhow, I love spending time with the best friends but now they are no longer in town. Wish them all the best in their future undertaking and I shall go back to study now, for my future's sake! :) Back to studies, final exam is not far from now. I have actually planned to cover up all my subjects during this raya holiday but it seems like the plan is down the drain. I need to brush up now and no more slacking off, I have tons of assignments and PBL work left undone. I have to accomplish them as soon as possible before I start my revision for exam. Sigh. After two months of studying in university, I still couldn't seek for a better way to study.

life. sucks

everything is so wrong right now.

i hate being a law student, i can't be myself at all...

a whole new life - 1st entry

A thought crept up to me: Have I chosen the wrong course or worse, enter the wrong university? Still, I can't find any reason to convince myself that I'm now reading law in UKM. I'm all stressed and overwhelmed....

Time flies! It has been exactly a month since I came to UKM . A vivid picture of entering UKM on the first day still fresh in mind. Anyhow, I just don't get used to the mundane routine of university life until today. So, whenever there is a friend asking me, 'hey, how's life in UKM?!' to which I'll reply, 'I'm living good in hell!' Yes, I describe this place as hell, but i guess it would be somehow ironic if I fell for this place someday later. So back on track, the life here is a real mental torture, and oh, not forgot to mention that it is a physical torture too! I has suffered from asthma since the first day of MMP, followed by coughing, flu, and then fell sick for exactly a week. Frankly speaking, I felt like dying at that moment as we still have to do a lot of walking and climbing from time to time. Pathetic, enough said. Of course, I'm feeling much better now. I always tell myself that I should have no complains since I get to go home every weekends - the only way to make myself feel better.

Speaking about lectures and classes, we, the year one law students have to take up to 8 subjects for this semester. First of all, English for law is the only subject that doesn't really bring much pressure compared to the other subjects. A language class that conducts in a small class is fun! We're required to write reflective e-journal, so yeah, this is why I'm here to update my long neglected blog. Anyhow, I wish I will be able to master my English skill in this class. When it comes to Arabic language class, however, is totally an alienate language, a stranger for me. Seriously, why do we have to learn arabic?! WHY?? I always think that people get to learn korean, japanese and so on, but why the language for me to learn has to be arabic?! oh well, I believe that I will be able to master it too, one day later. Besides that, Malaysian Legal System, Constitutional Law, Contract Law and ICT & law are the four main law subjects that we have to read. The lectures for these subjects are said to be okay so far, though sometimes I couldn't really catch up with what the lecturers taught in lecture hall. Nevermind, I still have tutorial classes to help me, I suppose.

Another nightmare of mine: the tutorial class. Tutorial classes for these law subjects have started on the fourth week of lecture which was today. Before the tutorial started, seniors have briefed us about how useful the tutorial is, and at the same time, how scary it is. As a former STPM student, I have no idea about what it would be like. It's like we have to prepare answers for every tutorial questions and there is a specific way to conduct a tutorial. Everyone of us are required to voice out our own opinions and thoughts for all the tutorial questions. According to seniors, you're encouraged to have more interaction with lecturers if can, so that the lecturers would remember you and try to impress them with your words. I was like 'oh my god' when I first heard about it. It sound scary actually. Again, I panicked.

Today was my very first ever tutorial for constitutional law. How ridiculous that I was up all night before tutorial, cramming for the tutorial questions. I was worried because I couldn't find out answers for few questions. I felt so unprepared when I stepped into the tutorial class. I've not did enough, my mind was totally blank. But it ended up that lecturer just discussed only one question for the 1 hour tutorial, asking about the definition of constitution. Luckily, I've prepared that question. Thank god my first tutorial just over like that even though I've been questioned by the lecturer. And it was not as scary as I thought. Am I just being paranoid? I breathed a sigh of relief, finally. There will be another tutorial (which will be conducted in mini moot) waiting for me on this coming thursday.... Mini moot sounds cool huh? Well, not at all but I have to get ready for it.

In fact I think tutorial classes help a lot, at least for me, to read up everything in details for the sake of 'tutorial preparation'. Words to myself: DO NOT DO LAST MINUTE READING ANYMORE! But still, I realise that understanding every single context during lectures is very important either. Without the understanding before preparation, I have to read everything all over and over again just to understand a very simple context and that's why I used up to 7 hours to prepare the answers for tutorial. It's such a waste of time actually. Thus, it also means that I've to do revision, read cases everyday and no more last minute works. We should always expect the unexpected. Be prepared for all the time is the most important thing. I tell myself that I have to do alot of reading from now onwards and I can make it!

Anyway, It is an undeniable fact that I've learnt a lot of new things and new experiences, everything is indeed a new try for me, despite the facts that I couldn't adapt to the life here, couldn't really get a clearer picture about the course that I'm going to read for 4 years. Even though I think I've chosen the wrong course but there is no point for me to regret now, what is done is done. The only thing I can do now is to put hundred times of effort to make dreams happen. Be optimistic and everything will be alright.



p/s: this is supposed to be a reflective journal for the purpose of English for Law, but it becomes a not-so-reflective journal because I have so much to grumble it all eventually summed up in one post. lol.

what is yours?!

saw this on facebook and i think its freaking funny.



I DECLARE MY SOCIAL LIFE LEGALLY DEAD!


lmao.

i'll be died of depression if this shit goes on.

i think my paranoia/depression or whatever you call that is getting worse from days to days.

i.have.gone.insane.

the i won't make the first move if you don't talk to me first sydrome is back again. i miss the BFFs but i have no mood to talk to anyone of them. i'm not a good friend all these while, i'm a total loser in handling and mantaining a relationship. i hate it but i can do nothing. sigh.

this is life. another fucked up life.